Thursday, August 27, 2009
+marvelous music--I haven't been able to stop listening to the (new) Taken By Trees, Girls or Rural Alberta Advantage.
+the Pacific! I never thought I say this but, sometimes there's nothing like spending a day at beach. Even if it does mean sand in my shoes and the frightening San Diego sun.
+baby boba--I guess this is what happens when bubble tea runs out of regular tapioca. But baby boba, aside from having an adorable name, are pretty adorable to eat/drink as well.
+long scenic bus rides
+reading in the grass-this pretty much never ever gets old
+discovering forgotten bits and pieces in my room
+time zones! Thanks to the three hour difference, I now go to bed and wake up at the most perfectly acceptable of times.
+std fury-rarely does a semi educational song about stds sound so absurd and hilarious and catchy.
+these pointy yellow flats. A gift from Gigi and I've forgotten all about them until I came home. Now they might be my new favorite shoes ever. (Although I probably take pictures of them too much)
And what about you my darling readers? What's got you bubbly and smiling this week?
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
There's nothing like the beauty of the Pacific...sorry East coast ocean, this is one area where you can't compare. Louise and I spend the afternoon at the beach, and her stories of her time in Europe made my heart throb to be abroad. Soon, soon!
Monday, August 24, 2009
Reading old diaries. It's a become a ritual, especially on the occasions I'm infrequently home, or late nights filled with an emptiness, where nothing else seems to matter. So, I turn to the past. Retrospective and reminiscing, the silliness of an old version of myself, many old versions in colorful sizes and formats. There's the pink Juicy Couture journal, with its thick gold embossed pages holding all the secrets of my first real romance. There's the interchangeable slew of cute Asian notebooks with broken English and adorable designs. There are the trusty moleskins, with cramped writing crawling up the pages with endless aspirations, fears and stories and stories.
Stacks and stacks of notebooks (my love of stationery probably doesn't help this quick turnover rate of angsty journals) with days, months and years of life fitted inside. Each revisit of these old stories is quite a different feeling. There is relief, of course, that I'm no longer the trapped, fearful, naive girl I once was. That I'm no longer undergoing the hell that was high school, San Diego. There is a sense of bitter-sweet nostalgia. Those stories of the past meant so much at the time, after all. And then there is this inescapable fluttering sense of loss.
Like the joy that used to come with every little experience, every night spent away from home, every day in some familiar but far off destination. Or the simple happiness that rushed in after finishing a horrible school assignment, the butterflies from a glance of a crush. It was so painfully complex, but now complicated is the expected, simplicity is impossible.
Perhaps this is how it's meant to be, this evolution, this habituation, so that the little things that used to inspire blissful exhilaration now, at most, inspires a small smile, or some resigned acceptance. And always, striving for something greater, bigger, some adventure and excitement that exceeds the past, some explosive surreal dream that turns my life into another fantasy.
Someday this pile of notebooks and journals will turn into a massive box of them, pages and pages of daily life, endless pages in scrawling handwriting telling stories that I can't tell, feelings I no longer remember, faces I've long lost. For now they remind me of the incredible changes that occur in just a year, six months, a summer. And I wonder how much more can possibly happen in just a week, a month, a year.
The blank pages ahead voice their excitement.
Do you keep a journal? Read diaries of years past?
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
+my overwhelming, brimming explosive optimism, mostly
+long drives and a perfect soundtrack
+frozen yogurt that taste like ice cream
+perfect weather, naturally!
+full time daydreaming that somehow becomes easier when I'm home!
+delicious fresh baked pastries from a famous bakery
+Don Delillo's Underworld--yes I know, another massive undertaking after Infinite Jest (but hey, I read a Virginia Woolf book in between!), but it is so beautiful in that squalor of New York way and absolutely brilliant.
+reminiscing about old friends and old adventures
+bliss vanilla+bergamot bubbling shower gel. gosh it is the best thing ever and smells/feels delicious
I think most of my TILT has happened in my last post, but please do share what has you happy and smiling this wonderful week. xoxo
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
I've forgotten, the perfect clear blue skies and streams of golden sunlight, the quiet streets and the neighbors who say "hello" when they pass by.
I've forgotten the mall, and its visitors, empty, normal, happy.
I forgot about blisters that can be fixed simply by walking home, long days stretched into books and tv and movies, walks and falling into daydreams and memories.
It's a lot easier to live in my mind back home, even in the two days that I've been here. I feel like a different person (I am!) and no longer, intimidated by snobby store clerks, or uncomfortable to lie down in the grass to read. I don't miss new york yet, but I think that is a good thing. I'm planning on a bit of exploring even while I'm here, and I think it'll be lovely (despite being told off for taking pictures of the mall's exterior because I needed a permit!!)
In the meantime, I think I might be allergic to my house and should probably try to be elsewhere. xoxo
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Last night, in an aeroplane over the US, I watched the sunset soaked in the horizon stay with its painted lines of red and orange even late into the night. And when it approached California, and I could see the cities sprawled out below, lights twinkling like another set of stars, colorful and scattered and blinking, and real stars too, I've forgotten how much I missed those, silver studs in a dark sky, this surge of optimism and anticipation grew inside of me, bubbling and sizzling until it became absurd, and I was giddy with the promise of a few hours, a few days, a few weeks and months from now. This hope that felt so sure, so within reach I could taste it on my tongue, feel it in my palm, so brilliant and wonderful and unexpected I thought I'd explode.
It's a bit inexplicable, this, but wonderful. My mind is filled with all the beauty of everything, and the F U T U R E in glittering neon letters in front of me, of fall and cold cold weather (for oh oh, being stuck in my room without air conditioning, without a fan, in 93 degree weather nearly killed me, gave me headaches and dizziness and forced me to seek escape elsewhere), coats and boots and scarves and hats with big bows, of classes and reading and writing essays, yes, yes staying up late writing essays! How I miss it, how I miss the panicked skimming of assigned readings I've skipped, cups and cups of tea and music to try to get me to focus, watching the page count finally reach its end, editing and thinking and writing and thinking.
Monday, August 17, 2009
I don't really believe it either.
But it's true, and if you allow yourself that one moment where your cynicism hides, allow yourself a tingle of hope, an openness to try something new because, well, what's the worst thing that could happen? It's worth a try. Because, suspend disbelief for just a minute, dreams do come true.
Oh, I know, I know. It sounds ridiculous. She's out of her mind, reciting trite cliches without any idea of what reality is, the harsh ruins and disappointments and failures of it, it's not all pastels and bright light and soft dresses and cute girls with bangs. Glitz and glamor and how it is in the movies, it doesn't happen like that.
Don't I know. All the heartbreak and unexpected twists and things that did come out of a movie, but not in scripted beauty but in absurdity, and not always at all in a good way. But suspend that for a moment, won't you? Just for a moment. I know all about that just as well. But I know about this too.
This, if you will yourself to believe it. Close your eyes and feel it, whatever it is that you're desperately after. Is it a job, a boy, an escape? Can you see the skyline glittering in the distance, feel the gum studded pavements beneath your steps, the strangers and sights you'll be immersed in? Can you feel his touch on your skin, his lips against yours, the fluttering sensations of your heart, the butterfly heartbeats that encircle you, the smile that'll light up your face when you're together? Can you touch the worlds outside of this one, the dazzling terrains, the little details like footprints on the sand, the drifting of clouds in an unfamiliar sky, a foreign tongue, an exotic adventure?
Thursday, August 13, 2009
+Long walks. Down Broadway from Columbia (116th street) to NYU (8th street), with the glamor of NYC as it is in the movies, skyscrapers and glass buildings, tourists milling the streets in all the classic spots. Walking across the Williamsburg bridge into Manhattan, with the city approaching the whole time, the smiles of cyclists and passerbys, graffiti on the walkway, the perfect breeze, finally to the Lower East Side and a favorite cupcake shop, strawberry cheesecake cupcake and leaving hearts in the tip jar.
+Surprisingly cool, cloudy and rainy weather after the unbearable heat of the past few days, getting my first roll of film developed, the musical cooing of pigeons, the creak of metal swings, the soaked aftermath of pavement after rain, walking familiar streets in the deserted night, watching a drunken couple, the man stumbling to block a taxi in the street to propose, announcing his love to the four passerbys and the taxi driver (when the car behind it honked in frustration, to them, it was celebratory), the glow of white orbs of streetlamps in the park
+An older man in a business suit, eating a chocolate ice cream cone and throwing nuts toward squirrels, and the squirrels scrambling to bury them in piles of dirt hideaways, late night encounters in the subway, graffiti and sentiments scrawled on walls, walkways, posters, smiling at strangers (& smiles in response), ridiculous Japanese movies (has anyone seen Suicide Club?) , spending whole days away from home, people watching after shows, falling into the comfort of the bed and sheets and covers after a shower, sitting on stoops writing & watching the rain, ridiculous religious signs, making mixes again
+The promise of nearing the end of summer. I adored it, most of it, its adventures and surprises and marvels and beauty, but I'm ready for a change too. And a change will be just that. I'm flying home on Monday and by the time I return there will be hardly time before school starts again. And I am anticipating the fall like few other things.
And what is making you happy and warm (or cool in the summer heat) this week?
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
A few of my favorite things: birthday roses, my latest novel, and my dear, darling D40.
Once upon a time, Rachel and I had grand plans to see Shakespeare in the Park, and got up at five in the morning to wait in line. We never got the tickets, naturally, but at least we waited most of the time by the loveliest view.
From Luis, Rommie and my photoshoot. Rommie starring in trashy American Apparel ad, apparently.
Monday, August 10, 2009
1. Lacrosse-I See a Brightness
2. Ray Rumours-Meaningless Words
3. Lavender Diamond-Here Comes One
4. Of Montreal-The Repudiated Immortals
5. Dirty Projectors-Stillness is the Move
6. God Help the Girl-If You Could Speak
7. Camera Obscura-Honey in the Sun
8. The Dodos-The Strums
9. Chris Garneau-Fireflies
10. Casey Dienel-Doctor Monroe
11. Regina Spektor-Folding Chair
12. Michael Andrews-5 on a Joyride
13. Oh No! Oh My!-Lisa, Make Love! (It's Okay!)
14. The Lucksmiths-Southernmost
15. Pulp-A Little Soul
16. Belle & Sebastian-The Stars of Track and Field
Hello, I've made a mix for you.
It's green grass fields and impossible blue skies, it's hookah and storytelling in dimly lit living rooms, books with pages eaten by travel time on trains, grass and dirt stains on knees, skirts held down against the summer wind, conversations and colors of eyes, fingertips and painted nails, blasts of air conditioning on skin, waking up at two in the afternoon and sleeping when the birds just start to sing outside, frozen cookie dough and countless cups of water with ice cubes clinking against the sides, heat clutching to skin like a lover, boredom and anticipation and restless tapping feet, clothes that stick to thirsty for air backs, sizzling gray pavement that never ends, familiarity and contempt and most of all it's the undeniable touch and whisper that it is summer.
But summer that bites back, summer that slips and slides in bruises and cuts, screens that won't flash to life and expectations denied, days that go on for too long and not falling asleep on beds that aren't quite right, coffee shops and glances and conversations that leaves a bitter aftertaste, scenes that should be zipped and sealed and sawed to pieces. Summer that beckons with a sleazy finger, a come on, a challenge, hey you, I am nearly at my end, what now?
Now this: there is nothing we can't do. There's still beauty in everything, and saxophones and honey in the sun, eyelashes that catch my sweat, weekends away, snaps and whistles, blue checky shirt and a dress, selling days we can't afford, death of a ladies' man, one, two, three four shots of happiness, I'll take care of you if you take care of me.
Please download, listen, and tell me what you think.
Friday, August 7, 2009
♥ creative ♥ beautiful ♥ delightful ♥ strong ♥ determined ♥ carefree ♥
♥ energetic ♥ inspiring ♥ kind♥ marvelous ♥ charming ♥ sassy ♥
♥ fabulous ♥ courageous ♥ dashing ♥ fantastic ♥ spontaneous ♥ willing ♥
♥ brilliant ♥ confident ♥ smart ♥ empathetic ♥ romantic ♥ assertive ♥
♥ efficient ♥ generous ♥ fearless ♥ receptive ♥ ambitious ♥ patient ♥
♥ sweet ♥ quirky ♥ trusting ♥ considerate ♥ hopeful ♥ enthusiastic ♥
♥ eccentric ♥ frivolous ♥ imaginative ♥ passionate ♥ open ♥ tender ♥
Thursday, August 6, 2009
+going out dancing alone!
+green tea mochi ice cream
+cold cold showers on hot summer days
+staying up late reading in bed
+decorating & settling in my new place
+leaving origami hearts with cheerful messages on subways
+writing & passing notes with strangers
+dark chocolate naked in bed
+B&H (not only do I feel like a kid in a candy store but there are actual bowls of candy everywhere!) because it is a photographer's dream come true
+stomping around in ridiculous too high heels all the time for no good reason
+decadent grocery shopping (♥ Trader Joe's)
+dinner table story telling long into the night
+getting brilliant ideas at ridiculous early hours of the morning
+making typography/lyric inspired art in my little notebook
+a cloudy day of relief from the heat after a terribly hot week!
+sweet and tiny grapes
Et toi, my loves? Bits & pieces that's making you absolutely delighted this week?
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
I mean, my love affair with all things feminine and excessive, big bows, ruffles, poofy skirts and dresses, pearls and flower headbands, floral print and pretty colors has been long established to the point where my friends are able to go into a store and point out, Laura would die over that. And anything with a bow I'm automatically inclined to want to buy (especially if it's on a headband.) I've become so at ease with this look that I'm getting a bit bored of it.
Lately, wearing my oxford stiletto platform oxfords (because, ironically, it does not irritate the painful blisters from my Ferragamos...) has helped me ease into a slightly more fierce, tough girl look. These heels have a menswear influenced vibe and the stiletto is quite femme fetale and immensely satisfying. So much so that today, on my unlikely trip to H&M today, I decided to embrace Gala's suggestion and start looking at things that I normally would never consider, like a big, heavy shiny metal necklace, or hot coral pink seamed tights, or even...the last pair of shoes I would have ever expected myself to look at: combat boots.
Yes ladies and gentlemen, after spending way too much time contemplating in the store, I decided to go for the unexpected and walked away with a pair of these. No frills or bows or dainty heels. Just rough attitude and total comfort. That, on top of the musical inclined earring set, colorful underwear, big chunky metal necklace, and coral pink tights, of course.
Monday, August 3, 2009
I moved into my new apartment last night, and spent today getting too much groceries and setting up my room. It's lovely, and especially nice to have my clothes and jewelry somewhere visible! Plus, there is a fat, adorable squirrel who seems to live on the tree directly outside my window. I think I'll have a new friend soon, and the bright lights in here will ensure that I won't have too horrible of a time trying to read and write and take pictures.
Not pictured: Infinite Jest.